somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
