This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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