Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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