just tell him i said nine months
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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