So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
