You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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