I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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