tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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