My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
