Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
