I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
