Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
