you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No subtext here. People are naked.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
