i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
