I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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