Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
