my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
