This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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