he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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