At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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