The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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