Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
