Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
