you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
