wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
