the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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