i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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