Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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