you didnt know i had herpes?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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