Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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