Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
