God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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