Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
