a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
