im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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