How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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