meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
