Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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