college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
