I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
