Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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