Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
