Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
