she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
