I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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