I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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