can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
