I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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