i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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