Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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