Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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