I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
