I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
