Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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