i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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