Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
