last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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