I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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