I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
