your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
