It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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