the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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