is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
