Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
